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BLOG / Fashion / Don't sweat it

Don't sweat it

NEVER FORGET YOUR PANTS AGAIN


TUE. AUGUST 16, 2016

WORDS BY Joshua Michael Paulin
PHOTOGRAPHY BY CHRISTINE HAHN
STYLING BY IAN BRADLEY

Ninja turtles, no pants, ice cream, and air conditioning. A first hand testimonial on the brilliance of tracksuits.
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I remember my first sweat suit, it was a Ninja Turtle two piece. I wore it the first day of my elementary school career and most casual Fridays every month after. Leonardo sat in the middle of the sweatshirt, cutting a slice a pizza for himself with a sword (or for one of the other three turtles, since Leo worked in the team leader capacity). If it was an illustration of Raphael, we would know it would be just for him, he was the selfish one.  The main Turtle logo was branded down the right leg with a big, bold, T-U-R-T-L-E. This would be my introduction to athletic wear. Don't worry, this will have nothing to do with the story at the end, besides the fact I wear clothing.

I spent a lot of time in high school skateboarding. I think a lot of people at the time had a certain idea what skateboarding culture was perceived to "be" or to "look like". Confusion was to be found on faces of spectators witnessing my friends and I skating in velour track suits. We received our fashion inspirations from our favorite rappers at the time and that didn't change once we stepped on the board.

It's one hundred and four degrees out and I'm in my favorite place in the world, under my covers with the air conditioning on. Come to think of it, it is getting pretty cold. I might have to get up and put a sweatshirt on. Netflix is on too (on my computer, it doesn't come in clothing form yet but you heard it here first folks) let's say I'm watching Stranger Things so you can relate. I order some ice cream off of Uber Eats and fall asleep. I dream of what the final form of the ice cream will look like once it gets here.

I wake up to twelve missed calls from the delivery guy. I mistakenly think the missed calls are from an ex-girlfriend, her name rhymes with Uber Eats and now I'm riddled with stress. I realize I'm not wearing pants but that's okay, I have the matching bottoms to my top (it was a necessity at the time of purchase, my future self thanks my self from the past). I would like to say I had a premonition of this moment, but this is just a common occurrence in my life: stressful situations and missing pants.

I make my way to the door and the delivery guy has each scoop intact, no melt. I wonder how he did it, so I decide to ask him. He gives me this long story that he came up with the idea while working for his current employer. I guess he signed an agreement, that by law, all of his ideas during his employment with the ice cream company become the intellectual property of the company. He's gonna keep it under wraps until he quits. I smile when he tells me all of his tips go to the invention. I frown when I remember I only tipped the minimum. I mention that he should probably not tell anyone his ideas, I could be friends with the owner of the ice cream shop.

I lay in bed in my matching two pieces. Not one bead of sweat.

FILED UNDER: feature, fashion, mens, tracksuits, ready for rio, sportswear, photo journal, ian, bradley, christine hahn, joshua michael paulin
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